//
var numQuotes = 34;	// <=== Adjust the number of quotations here
var theQuotes = null;

function initQuotes() {
	theQuotes = new initArray(numQuotes);
	theQuotes[1] = 'He made for the cellar door, and presently reappeared, somewhat dusty,' 
			+ 'with a bottle of beer in each paw and another under each arm. <br>'
			+ '"Self-indulgent beggar you seem to be, Mole, " he observed, '
			+ '"Deny yourself nothing. " he replied.<br>(Wind in the Willows.)';
	theQuotes[2] = "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.<br>(Ernest Hemmingway)";
theQuotes[3] = "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.<br>(Winston Churchill)";

theQuotes[4] = "He was a wise man who invented beer.<br>(Plato)";
theQuotes[5] = "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.<br>(Catherine Zandonella)";
theQuotes[6] = "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.<br>(W.C. Fields)";
theQuotes[7] = 'Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."<br>His reply: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."'

theQuotes[8] = "If God had not intended us to drink beer, He would not have given us stomachs.<br>(David Daye)";
theQuotes[9] = "Work is the curse of the drinking class.<br>(Oscar Wilde)";
theQuotes[10] = "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.<br>(Henny Youngman)";
theQuotes[11] = "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.<br>(Benjamin Franklin)";
theQuotes[12] = "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.<br>(Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy)";

theQuotes[13] = "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.<br>(Dave Barry)";

theQuotes[14] = "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.<br>(Humphrey Bogart)";
theQuotes[15] = "Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine.<br>(David Moulton)";
theQuotes[16] = "People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.<br>(Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI)";

theQuotes[17] = "Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.<br>(Kaiser Wilhelm)";
theQuotes[18] = "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.<br>(Homer Simpson)";
theQuotes[19] = "Not all chemicals are bad.  Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.<br>(Dave Barry)";

theQuotes[20] = "I drink to make other people interesting.<br>(George Jean Nathan)";
theQuotes[21] = "They who drink beer will think beer.<br>(Washington Irving)";
theQuotes[22] = "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.<br>(For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway)";

theQuotes[23] = "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.<br>(Dean Martin)";
theQuotes[24] = "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.<br>(Homer Simpson)";

theQuotes[25] = "Homer: &quot;Thanks for comming to my party...Wow, you brought a whole beer keg!&quot;<br>Barney: &quot;Yeah. Where can I fill it up ?&quot"; 

theQuotes[26] = "&quot;What is the taste of 1 IBU?&quot;<br>Zen Judging"; 

theQuotes[27] = "&quot;In brewing it is the not the beer that matters, but the journey.&quot;<br>Zen Brewing";
theQuotes[28] = "&quot;Not every beer will win, but every beer MAY win.&quot;<br>Zen Judging"; 
theQuotes[29] = "&quot;It is the empty space within a glass which makes it useful.&quot;<br>Zen Brewing"; 
theQuotes[30] = "&quot;When the brewer is ready, the judge will come.&quot;<br>Zen Judging"; 
theQuotes[31] = "&quot;He who completely masters triple decoction mashing, understands everything.&quot;<br>Zen Brewing"; 

theQuotes[32] = "&quot;Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough... what you may send, for the Love of God, is some large quantity of beer..&quot;<br>Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854"; 

theQuotes[33] = "In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength<br>In water there is bacteria.<br>German Proverb"; 
theQuotes[34] = "Be gentle with your wort and kind to your yeast.<br>Pat Casey<br>"; 
}
function getRandomNumber(n) {
	//Returns a pseudorandom number between 1 and n
	today = new Date();
	var bigNum = today.getSeconds() * today.getTime() * Math.sqrt(today.getMinutes());
	var randNum = (bigNum % n) + 1;
	return Math.floor(randNum);
}

function initArray(n) {
	this.length = n;
	for(var i = 1; i <= n; i++) {
		this[i] = "";
		}
	return this;
}


function getRandomQuote() {
	var theIndex = getRandomNumber(numQuotes);
	return theQuotes[theIndex];
}

function loadQuote() {
	theQuote = getRandomQuote();
	var theTag = '<FONT SIZE="-1"><I>' + theQuote + '</I></FONT><br>';
	document.write(theTag);
}

initQuotes();